he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
