i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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