During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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