someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
