Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
