i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We got so high we made milksteak
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
