He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
