every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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