shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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