if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
