I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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