I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the night ended with taco bell and tears
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
