she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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