so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
