wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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