Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
