After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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