i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
