I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
