see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
