Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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