Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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