Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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