life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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