Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
