oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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