I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So vagazzling was a success
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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