You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
