wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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