I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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