dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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