You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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