I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
