I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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