so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
