it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
