I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
