theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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