Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
