I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
