I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
