I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
