i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is my gift to your gina
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
