mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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