Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
