what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
