ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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