Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
