I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
