had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
