I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
