I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
