Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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