I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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