Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wish I only lived at night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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