tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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