My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
